Struggling.

Alriiiiggght. The summer is over, I haven't written anything here since June and absolutely nothing has changed. And I'm feeling sad. Really, really inexplicably sad.

And, I don't know why.

The big change hasn't happened yet, its not looming, its not coming over the horizon, its not even a twinkle in my eye yet and I am SO BAD at starting things on my own. I just don't know what to do about my incredibly boring, stagnant life. And to top it off, I am suddenly feeling as if my own personality is a huge reason for the lack of change. As if I am the actual problem to my problem. And, if I'm the problem, that's another problem.

It's hard to explain. I don't know why I think I'm boring. I can carry on a conversation, I have amusing anecdotes (see getting robbed by a wheelchair bound person), I have topics to talk about....but.... I'm boring. Or at least feel it. And not having the confidence in yourself to be interesting is a problem, bottom line. And this isn't something I can talk to anyone about because no one will listen to this kind of whining without interjections of "No, you're hilarious" or listing off things I have going for me and that just doesn't help. Not that I know what would help. What do you do if you think you're a boring person? What if you're not only bored of your life but of yourself? Do I need to overhaul my life, my outlook AND my self? How can I change things if I'm not completely happy with myself?

This is whiny and uninteresting, sorry.

Ugh.

So, uh, yeah. It's been a while. 

Whoops.

It's also been really busy, and I realize that no one reads this so it doesn't matter if I blog once a day or once a year, but I still feel like I should keep more on top of it. Check my old diaries, if there were long gaps between entries, I would apologize... to myself. 

It's been good and busy. The new job is fantastic, I am really getting into the swing of things, I think and its been a really good change of pace. I also worked Thursday through Monday, which is a change from the once a week I was getting from the old job, but essentially, this equals more money, so I really can't really complain about getting the big bucks*, now can I?

School sucks. I have class for 4 hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays and I am so uninvolved with it that I keep forgetting that I am actually enrolled in classes. Which is not really the best way to do it, but whatever.

In other news, me and my besties are taking an 11 hour bus ride to see a band that we love. We pretty much have it all planned, the hotel, the bus tickets, the concert tickets and we're filling up the other four days that we're going with lots of stuff pretty quickly. I. Am. So. Stoked. 

Really nothing else to report, I didn't even really put any effort in this (if you can't tell from the lack of continuity and awkward wording)

Aaaaaannnyyywwwaaaayyyy.

*Oh right, and AHAHAHAHAHA-NOT.

Joe Chachi?

Well, hello there.

Having a blog has really made me incredibly aware of how simple and uneventful my life is. I have few anecdotes and there's a certain sludge of day-to-day routine that makes blogging daily a mundane task. Because I don't have any artsy-crafty skill, I can't just post my art with an "ENJOY" caption. Because I don't critique something (TV, movies, books, etc.) I don't have a something always ready at my disposal to write about.

Soooooooooooooooo

I'm often left with nothing to write about and a blog left dormant. Whoops.

I do want to know this, however, what does it mean if you call someone a Joe Chachi? Urban dictionary does not have an entry, and I've asked everyone what it means. Context:

Guy In my Class: OH MY GAWD. I am so tired and hungover.

Me: Oh yeah, what did you get up to last night?

G.I.M.C: Oh, it was my buddy's amateur strip night show at [local gay club]

Me: Oh, I've never been to [local gay club], i was think of going on Tuesday [straight night], is it worth it?

G.I.M.C: Oh, no, no, no. Do not go to there, it's totally filled with Joe Chachis.

Me: What's a Joe-

Teacher: Alright class, we are going to continue in chapter seven today....

I asked him after class too, but he refused to tell me. He said that if I went to the club I would immediately understand what he meant, but I don't know if I will and I would rather go there, on the lookout for the elusive Joe Chachi than go and not know what Im looking for. I think I'm going to harass him next class and see what it means. Inquiring minds need to know!!!!!

First Day On a Brand New Planet

Okay, not really at all. But today was my first day at the new Job. And because I live like 2 minutes from it, go in every morning for a coffee and snack and am close friends with one of the employees and know the rest by name and live in the neighbourhood, it wasn't as scary as a new job usually is, or should be. Minus the fact that I've never ever ever worked in anything but retail, or for that matter, had a job anywhere but that of Old Job. (which I might hold on to and work at like, once a week, to keep the wicked awesome discount, I haven't decided yet) Annywaaay, it was good. I felt like I was doing everything super slowly and I just might have accidently given someone too many shots of espresso in their coffee, but otherwise I did most things right and apparently I was one of the quicker learners there (hard to believe, because I still can't tell the different breads and strudels apart, but okay, whatever) 

I think it will be a good change of pace though, and that first step I need to making lots.  Which I still want to do, and then when I see someone who who I haven't seen for a long time, instead of the standard answer of "Nothing" to the "What's new?" I can instead provide a lengthy list. Yay! 

Okay, that's really all I have to say...

FIN.

Summer To Do List

Summer 2009 To Do List

1. Get a new job.
2. Go to Sasquatch.
3. Go camping.
4. Go to my cabin with friends
5. Go to my friend's cabin.
6. Go bungee jumping
7. Go river rafting
8. Farming experience program.
9. Get a tan (almost impossible, I went to Mexico in April and have nothing to show for it, but a girl can dream right?)
10. Get back in shape.
11. Lots and lots of beach days.
12. Swim in a lake, find a great lake nearby that I don't have to drive for two hours to get to
13. Do the Grouse Grind.
14. Read tons.
15. Have a theme party (I have SO many bouncing around in my head... Dress As Yourself 10 Years Ago, Tacky Tourist Party, Rubix Cube Party...etc.)
16. Achieve the big change.
17. Go hiking
18. Go to the island.
19. Skinny dip.
20. Spend less time on the computer.
21. Go to Mexico.
22. Go to the local fair/ amusement park
23. Make ice cream.
24. Go to local shows.
25. Spend a day with absolutely no time restrictions or obligations.
26. Picnic.
27. Wear dresses
28. Go karting
29. BBQ
30. ...

To be continued....

Things are Going Well?

I got a new job, my first day is on Sunday, I don't know what to do with my old one yet, but OF COURSE, old work started scheduling me loads this week, and scheduling was one of the reasons I needed to leave, so OF COURSE that would happen now. New job: check.

That drive to the music festival that was scaring the shiitake mushrooms out of me? I nailed it. I merged seamlessly and didn't even get lost once, and even drove, y'know, fast, which I was having trouble doing on the practice run ( i couldn't get faster than 90KM/HR, but on my way i got to 140KM) Not only did I rock it on the big roadtrip, i also drove down to the states to shop yesterday too, just for kicks, which I also rocked, minus the time I missed the exit for the actual place we were going to. Driving experience/ Road Trip and Mini Road trip/ Life experience/Chilling with my BFFs: check.

That's pretty much all I got in new and exciting news, but the weather is swelteringly hot, I am regularly working out and feeling pretty good about it, AND I've got a camping trip, river rafting trip, bungee jumping excursion and farm experience trip in the works for this summer.

Sometimes, life just works.

Realizations, or something like it.

I keep writing about the big change that I'm waiting for, the change that I'm hoping for, the change that I'm hoping to cause. But today I was thinking about how I was waiting for the change, and besides applying to jobs like crazy, I haven't really been doing much to cause the change. I've just been waiting for it to hit me, sweep me up and take me away. And it's not coming.

I think a huge majority of people in this world are in the same place as me in this respect. People waiting for the big change, the climatic Hollywood moment were everything changes. And this waiting is how life passes them, us, by. We are so preoccupied with something miraculous arriving on our doorstep to transform our lives for good that we miss the ride. We're so busy waiting for the change to come that it goes unrealized that we, in fact, need to cause it. I think I'm becoming dangerously close to sounding like a cliche, but it's hard to express without the typical "Life is short, make it count" spiel. Because, if it's going to happen, I have to do it, I have to make it happen.

Okay, just a short blurb about my being a Hallmark card.