The thing is, if not already proven by my total and utter lack of progress today, I really need a change. Like, desperately. The only problem is I have no idea what the change should be or how I should go about achieving it. Because, really, how does one induce life altering changes? I've been told that I need to "welcome change with open arms". Which I am willing to do, but even that moment of "Oh, I see! this is the tipping point of my life altering change, I better make the correct decision here!" is a hard one to pinpoint and even experience, and thus far, I have yet to encounter it. Plus, I have a sneaking suspicion that I'll just miss it entirely and only in retrospect realize that it was in fact, the moment of truth. Sheesh. Not only that, but the actual change itself is still undetermined. New friends? New job? New location? What? What? What?
The thing is, I can talk myself out of all these changes.
New friends? Easy. I have two really fantastically amazing best friends (who don't even know I have a blog so I'm not just sucking up to them here) that make me not want new friends. I can go out with them and not talk to anyone the entire time, essentially be in a bubble, and have a fantastic day. We spend a good amount of time on a couch watching TV or just talking and that alone can be time well spent. I am a firm believer that quality is better than quantity and since I already have the cream of the crop, I can snuff the option of new friends as my change easily. Then there's the subheading of new friends: boyfriend. I've never had a boyfriend and because of this its a little bit scary. This option is actually the only thing that my being open and welcoming to might help. But still, that isn't something I can just look around for, so again easily skippable.
New job is one that has been the forerunner for about a month now. I used to really like my job, I've been there for three years, so that's really saying something, and the pay is really really good for part time retail work, and for the most part I really like the people and the work is easy enough. But lately, along with some conflicts, scheduling and otherwise, I just haven't been enjoying it. The management team has been in the process of an entire turnover and I just don't like the changes that are being made within the store. It's not fun anymore and I think that as a change it might be the baby step in the right direction. So, easy, right? Get a new job!
But then, as anticipated, I can turn around and talk myself out of this one too:
-The pay is good, I won't find anything better.
-I like the people.
-I like my discount (50%).
New location. This one is far reaching and seemingly impossible. I have less money than I have in years (thanks, trip to Mexico, tickets to various concerts over the summer, and summer camping trip) but I have never as much as I do now want to move out. It would be a good solid change that would pretty much cover everything single aspect of my life. Buuuuttttt it's totally and completely impossible, plus I have school and stuff and that would mean I would have to work more and that would mean I wouldn't study as much and then I would drop out of school and become a prostitute and get a terrible disease and die. Or something along those lines.
I know that to make these things happen, i need to take the plunge. Nothing in my life has ever been scary or foreign. I have always known my next move, never had to worry about what I'm doing or thinking or feeling because it has been mapped out. Not to say that I am one of those people whose parents have a strict path to follow, just that it's always been easy and available. Go to school. Get a job. But I think to finally achieve this change that I crave, I need to spend some time being scared. Spend some time in unchartered territory. Take the road less travelled. And now, that I've exhausted the metaphors, I think I'll go look for job openings. Or watch the deliciously horrible new 90210. Either or.
Maybe I'll blog again soon. Two days in a row, is a pretty good start, right?
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